Good Afternoon Everyone
Today we are going to focus on 'Passivity' in our series on Anger. What is Passivity? Passivity actually means....not acting! A passive person does not resist, oppose, or receive. A Passive person is quiet and unresisting, staying neutral and non-threatening in all situations.
A Passive Person:
◘ Views themselves as a victim...A person who thinks as a victim, will act like a victim. A victim way of thinking views their circumstances or situations as something that is "being done to them", therefore, it has to be endured and if that means suffering then I will just have to suffer. they don't see that they have other choices they can make.
◘ Act as a martyr.. In accordance with our text, a martyr in this sense always puts others ahead of their own needs, pleasures and desires (not for righteous reasons). A true martyr is one who suffers death for the sake of a cause. (such as, the stoning of Stephen in the Bible).
◘ Gives in to others even when they don’t agree with them. A passive person gives in to what others say and want them to do even when they don't want to. Why? Because they fear loss, abandonment and rejection. By agreeing...they try to "not make waves" by keeping everyone happy.
◘ Go out of their way to tolerate others when they really don’t want to, this in turn will cause anger and bitterness to take root. When we give in and go along with what others want, we end up putting our own needs and desires on the shelf to draw dust. After a time, we will begin to feel cheated by never getting our needs met and begin to harbor bitterness and anger.
◘ Withholds Emotional and physical intimacy as a source of punishment. This is called game playing and is nothing other than plain and simple punishment toward others for not getting what we want. This is wrong and a sin before God and man.
◘ Responds at times with an outburst of anger or an opinion but quickly retreats back into passive behavior. A passive behavior does not always show itself as passive all the time. In fact, there can be outbursts that seem to come out of no where at times. This happens because we can only keep things inside for so long until it has to come out sooner or later. So, when trying to identify passivity, we will see 2 sides. One being quiet and withdrawn, the other more explosive.
◘ Withhold their opinions from others even when asked to give one. When we look at "passivity" we think of a "non-engaging person. This is partially true. The passive behavior also contains other issues. For the person who is acting passive, they are also angry! Passivity is not always a 'true' expression of a person, we must recognize that there are also deep issues of 'resentment', 'bitterness' and 'unforgiveness'.
◘ Places false guilt and responsibility on others to get themselves off the hook. Let us draw near to god with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.Hebrews 10:22. Passive behavior plays the "victim role", and the "blame game". It is always about "what has happened to me" not taking responsibility for any wrongs they I may have committed.
◘ Uses sarcasm to make a point even if it is at the expense of others. A passive behavior stabys quiet and in the shadows for the most part, but at other times can come out as "sarcasm". Sarcasm comes out as quick jabs to a person usually taking them by surprise as they are not expecting it. Sarcasm is also accompanied with 'humor' at times and seen more in a 'crowd' situation. Sarcasm is a way to 'get back' to another person that they have issues with.
We will close for today and next week we will address "action steps to take to resolve anger. thank you for joining me and pass on to your friends. Here are some thoughts to ponder.
Questions to ponder:
1. Do you use anger to cover up other more vulnerable emotions?
2; Do you “get upset” when you can’t have your own way?
3. When you feel angry do you withdraw and shut down?