Breaking Unhealthy Life patterns (Lesson 2...Part 2)

Good morning everyone

This morning we will continue with Lesson 1 "Life Patterns Where Do They Come From"?

Where does Victim thinking come from?

 •         Victim thinking is usually rooted in our childhood and comes through the behaviors and actions of our parents, siblings and sometimes through our own unhealthy choices of behavior.  These behaviors are many times related to sexual/and or physical abuse, drugs, alcohol and directly affects us emotionally, physically and spiritually.

         Viewing ourselves as victims is a learned behavior, and over time can be used as a tool for getting unhealthy attention and approval from others. 

Victim Thinking also involves

 •         I have to do what others want me to do.

 •         I have to rely on others to help me make choices. I cannot make decisions on my own.

 •         Nothing I do is ever enough or right.

 •         An on-going history of pain in relationships.

 •         Fears of loss that include abandonment and rejection.

 Note:  Victim thinking comes as a direct loss of personal power which leaves a person feeling sad, alone and empty inside. What is "Personal Power"? It is that inner strength that we all possess that helps us make decisions for our good and for the good of others. 

When we lose our sense of personal power we:

         Can feel vulnerable within our environment and in relationship with others

         Feel unsafe and question the intentions of others

         run away from personal responsibility

         let others walk all over us

         have difficulty defining good boundaries

         Become people-pleasers

         let others walk all over us

         have difficulty defining good boundaries

         Become people-pleasers

      Key:Victim thinking is a self-defense tactic that helps us to cope with feelings that remind us of painful situations that we are trying to forget.

Common Unhealthy Thinking Patterns:

        The tendency to exaggerate events until everything seems like a crisis.

         This pattern comes from childhood where the environment was blown out of proportion over the littlest thing. Discipline was probably also out of proportion to any offenses as well.

 Parents may have inappropriately looked to a child to take responsibility beyond their ability or maturity, resulting in the child feeling overwhelmed.

 •       A ‘giving up’ way of thinking associated with statements such as “it doesn’t really matter”.

           This pattern comes from a home where a person’s personal needs were either overlooked or neglected. The tendency is to “shut down” and act as if nothing is wrong in order to survive.

 The person may have been encouraged to deny their own needs, which promotes losing touch with their own feelings.

Its all my fault”

   A thought pattern is where the person is moody and easily hurt, blaming himself or herself for everything.

 This pattern often comes from a critical or neglectful home environment where the person was often wrongly blamed for whatever was happening. The child grows up with negative questioning thoughts such as; “what’s wrong with me” or “what have I done wrong”? 

 Trying to make sense of things through our emotions

 This thinking pattern reflects the statement “if I feel something it must be true”.

This distorted pattern comes from a parent or parents who made it difficult for a child to be able to discern

feelings from facts. A child who grew up feeling afraid frequently in childhood due to traumatic events grows

up having difficulty defining ‘what I feel’ verses ‘what is true’!

          The belief that what has happened before will unavoidably happen again

 This pattern holds a person in bondage to past hurts, failures and rejections and uses them as evidence to predict what the future will be like.

 •         The pattern of Perfectionist-thinking

 This pattern looks at life as ‘all or nothing’ ‘good or bad’ black or white’. This pattern comes from homes that were legalistic, critical, and performance based.

 What was done was never good enough or you were expected to always succeed.

What keeps us repeating unhealthy patterns?

 a) We are not learning from the past.

 If it didn’t work before it will probably not work this time unless change has occurred in the individuals.

 If it didn’t work before it will probably not work this time unless change has occurred in the individuals.

b)   We have needs that are not being met.

 Maybe this will be the person even though it has not worked out before.

  c)   We don’t know how to express our own needs and desires.

  We need to think enough of ourselves to express what we need as well as what others need. It is a value and worth issue when we

old back for fear of what may or may not do when we express a need or desire. We may not get a particular need met but that should never stop us from sharing our need.

Breaking repeating patterns

 Often times we develop unhealthy patterns without knowing it, then all of a sudden it dawns on us one day, that we are still repeating similar situations over and over again. How can we break these patterns?

          We can decide to do something about our circumstances! We just choose to believe we can’t.

          We freeze in our circumstances for fear of the unknown and what we may uncover that would be unpleasant for us. Unless we recognize our problems and admit they exist we cannot change.

 ▪         Stop looking for things to make you feel better. Our peace comes from a heart and soul that is at peace and rest in God. Look inside yourself for the answers.

           Be prepared to ‘change how you think’ ‘how you speak’ ‘how you act’ ‘how you ‘react’ and your lifestyle.

            Be conscious of making right choices and bad choices.

            Have faith in yourself.

            Move out of your comfort zone

 Taking Back:

Our personal sense of power is healthy and needed if we are to stand up against situations where our personal boundaries are being threatened.

 Deciding:

To take responsibility for the choices we make in life will help to move us in a healthy direction of breaking unhealthy patterns victim thinking and living

1.  Are you able to identify any unhealthy patterns in your personal life?

2. Are you usually set in your ways about what you think, or are you open for other input?

3. Do you often feel like you are wrongly accused?

 

Taking Back:

Our personal sense of power is healthy and needed if we are to stand up against situations where our personal boundaries are being threatened.

 

 

Deciding:

To take responsibility for the choices we make in life will help to move us in a healthy direction of breaking unhealthy patterns victim thinking and living

this concludes our first lesson part 2. Reflect on these questions and I hope this blesses you. if you have any questions please contact me at deejohnston1@live.com

1.  Are you able to identify any unhealthy patterns in your personal life?

 2. Are you usually set in your ways about what you think, or are you open for other input?

 3. Do you often feel like you are wrongly accused?

 

See you next monday. Blessings Dee