Recognizing Unhealthy Relationship Patterns

Good Morning Everyone

Well, here we are with Lesson 3 "recognizing unhealthy Relationship patterns". I hope those of you who are reading these blogs are enjoying this series. please send on to your friends if you so desire. this morning we will beginning addressing what unhealthy life patterns look like. We all fall into them from time to time but some of us find we keep repeating some unhealthy life patterns more than we would like to see. In this lesson we will begin unfolding what these patterns look like. here we go.....

Why do we keep them and how do we know when a friendship/relationship is unhealthy?

 Example:  You know you have a problem when others are telling you, “every time you hang out with (fill in the blank) you always end up in a bad mood.” Or the phone rings, you see it’s a particular person, and you conveniently avoid the call. But despite these warning signs, you don’t do anything about it. Why? Because your trapped!

 According to Charles Figley, PhD, professor and director of the Psychological stress research program at Florida State University, “whether it’s on the phone, in person, or from the friendship entirely, you feel like you are trapped, you’re being taken advantage of and you can’t resolve the problem one way or another.”

 Entrapment: what is it?  Entrapment makes you feel like there is no one else to turn to and that you need to stand by that person regardless of what it may cost you......Do we see a problem with this? Of course we do. We have to ask ourselves this question, "why do I feel obligated to this person even if it means at the expense of my own well-being ?

How can we recognize a potential unhealthy friendship/relationship?  The person will be more need driven and self-focused expecting and demanding more from you then they themselves are willing to give.

What does a healthy relationships look like?   “A friendship is between two peers, “says Florence Isaacs, author of toxic friends/true friends. There has to be balance in a friendship for it to be healthy—not one person whose needs get met and another whose needs are overlooked.”


Toxic friends/relationships can be:

          Stressful…The work it takes to maintain the friendship is greater than the good times.  

 •         Unreliable…you can’t count on them when you need them the most.

 •         UnsupportiveIt’s always ‘more about them’ leaving them with no time for what you need in the friendship.

 •         Draining…They can be draining emotionally as well as physically because they require a lot of attention.

 •         Unequally balanced…You will feel like they are not on the same page as you with what you believe, desire or like.

 •         Demanding…It has to be their way or the high-way! They are always right and want you to do what they want most of the time.

 •         Never give of themselves…It’s all about what I need, what I want, what I feel. They are usually self-focused to the point of not being able to give back to others.

 ▪         Are critical of you…They usually point out your faults instead of strengths.

 ▪         Are draining emotionally, financially, and/or mentally.

 Note: Toxic Friends are those who, after spending time with them, makes you feel bad about yourself instead of good.


This will conclude our lessson for this morning, look for the conclusion to this lesson next monday. next week we will specifically address "why we stay with people who are unhealthy for us"!


Dee Johnston