The Set-Up For Co-Dependency

Good Morning Friends

This morning we will finish lesson 5 of the 'cycle of co-dependency'. we will focus today on the 'set-up'. You know....we don't just wake up one morning and find ourselves co-dependent! it takes time to get where we are and many times we are totally unaware of how we got where we are.

So lets take a look together how the trap got set and how we fell right into it hook line and sinker!

                                               The set up for Co-dependency

 The Family Unit:

 The family unit plays a key role in setting up patterns of life that are both healthy and

unhealthy that will eventually be played out in a person’s life throughout the course of time. Our

Family structures play a key role in setting the stage for the behavior of a co- dependent person.

The Pattern

 ◘        Everything feels normal even when it’s not. To the family members these unhealthy patterns feel normal because they have learned to adapt to their surroundings and they will unconsciously fight to keep these dynamics operating.

 ◘        Family Secrets at all cost. Often go un-addressed in a co-dependent family regarding such issues as abuse, alcohol and drugs. Family members many times are fearful of what is going to happen next and try to blend in to their surroundings by not causing any distrubances that would draw attention to themselves and potentially harm them. Denial is a learned way of living in these situations by either believing they don't exist or hoping they will just go away and everything will be alright. 

         Denial..Becomes a survival tool for the family. Denial is knowing what is true, but choosing a easier way of dealing with that truth in difficult situations by minimizing and running away emotionally.   This also also fosters a unhealthy emotional and physical environment.

   

Breaking a pattern of co-dependence

 The Objective is to recognize the wrong behavior which is really a mask for a underlying unmet need

 ◘        A person must first acknowledge their compulsion to have to be in control. We have to realize that we cannot make everything work out for everyone. living is difficult situations affects the whole family and destroys relationships. But we are first and foremost responsibility to God and to ourselves to do what is right in our lives first. then we can help others. 

        Stop making excuses for the family and begin to address hurts, wounds and sin.  Stop denying what is going on around us and see it for what it is. we don't have to like it but we can't always do anything about it. what we can do is change ourselves first and get healthy emotionally and spiritually.   Make your needs and interests a priority.

 ◘.  Evaluate the people that are already in your life. Which ones are healthy and which ones are unhealthy? One of the most difficult things to deal with is to  break away from others that are not good for us and take us down dangerous paths. We need so find others who are healthier and have our best interests in mind. it easier to stay around others who have similiar struggles as we do, but that will only make you feel more comfortable it will not bring about change in your life or in others.

 ◘.  Learn to say no and let your no be no and your yes be yes! Set good and proper personal boundaries that are firm but flexible. In and around unhealthy people is a common thread. (a lack of value and worth). If we view ourselves as weak we will act weak. Learning to say no to things that are not good for us builds good character and strengthens us emotionally and spiritually. But we have to say it and mean it. follow through don't give in and give up.

◘        Begin to consciously allow what God desires and requires of you to override the need to control. God knows your needs better than you do and will act according to what is best for you not to what feels good at the time.

         Don’t be a people pleaser! This is a huge part of Co-Dependency. Wanting to please others to the point of giving them power over your actions and thoughts sets us up to be victims. Trying to please others to get something from them that we want or need is manipulation and it does not please God.

 ◘        Examine your motives in the light of God’s Word. Take charge of your life in a healthy way by ‘letting go’ instead of needing to be in control.

◘        Begin to take personal responsibility for what God requires of you and quit focusing on what others should or should not be doing.

◘        Don’t sweep things under the rug instead confront issues when they come up. If we ignore things that we know is not right out of fear or rejection it will only backfire on us later. things don't just go away because we don't like them or don't want to do anything about them. they will eventually come back to haunt us later and many times it is worse than before.

◘        The truth has to be faced head on if you are to break free and move forward.

◘        Your will need to find a healthier channel to release inner tensions apart from those around you who are unhealthy.

 ◘        Take control by learning how to “control  yourself.”

 ◘        Make God a part of the healing process He loves you!

           Were not the Cushites and Libyans a mighty army with great numbers of chariots and horsemen? Yet when you relied on the Lord, he delivered them into your hand. For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. 2 Chronicles 16:8-9

 Remember, meekness is a godly trait not a sign of weakness. Instead it is power that is under control. By the meekness and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you—I Paul who am timid when face to face with you, but bold when away! 2 Corinthians 10:1

 Questions to ponder

1.   Do you feel like you had a nurturing childhood?

 2.   Would you consider yourself a ‘people pleasing’ person?

 3.   What do you do with your ‘unmet needs  and desires’?

 4.   Are you a person who depends on others to much?

 Thank  you for joining me this morning. next week we will be on Lesson 6 "The Root Of Rejection". Come and join us. You are Blessed and a Blessing.

Dee