Thank you for joining me from week to week on my blog. I hope you continue to join me and invite your friends or send these blogs on to them. this week we will examine 'obstacles that get in the way of having good communication'. so let's get started....
√ Not being honest and upfront. Honesty and openness is key in our relationships. It is not always comfortable to be honest and open and we tend to not want others to know some things. This is understandable and not all wrong. If we are open and honest with just anyone or everyone right up front we run the risk of "being taken advantage of" because the other person may not be as trustworthy as they appear to be.
Being honest and open is a 'trust issue with our heart'. We need to be people who are not afraid to be real with others, yet at the same time, we need to be wise and discerning of who we are going to be real with. This approach is a healthy one because we we don't want to be "to safe" as this approach is a 'self-protective' one, but "safe enough" that we are confident that this is a person who is trustworthy.
√ Never admitting we need help.... If we are so 'independent' that we don't think we need help or want help from others, we are in danger of becoming so self-sufficient that when we do need help we don't have anyone to call on or know of anyone who will help us.
This is also a spiritual condition that affects our relationship with God, asking Him for help, believing that we are so strong within ourselves that we don't think we need God's help even in time of trouble. The salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord; he is their stronghold in time of trouble. The Lord helps them and delivers them; he delivers them from the wicked and saves them; because they take refuge in him. Psalm 37:39-40
√ Being overly-responsible (Trying to fix all the problems)...Being overly responsibility is a condition that is rooted in our past. What drives this condition? 1. False Guilt...Carrying guilt for things that have happened believing the lie that it was and is all my fault. 2. Taking on the burdens of others, trying to make it easier for them so they don't experience the kind of pain that you have. 3. Working to please others so they will like you. 4. Looking for the approval of others.
Being overly responsible will not get us what we desire will happen, in fact, it works just the opposite. 1. People will end up taken advantage of us. 2. We set ourselves up for abusive behavior. 3. We can never do enough, others will only demand more not less from us.
√ Being Controlling.....There are two sides to control. Control is not always about being'selfish', in other words, "wanting my own way." There is that side, but we must be sure first, that the heart of a person is one of "wanting my own way". If it is, then it is a spiritual issue and it needs to be repented of before God.
But there is another side, it is one that comes from the past and is usually rooted in things like: 1. Abusive Behavior 2. Being raised by strict parents 3. Issues of Insecurity 4. Fear of Abandonment. 5. Unclear boundaries. Most of these issues are not rooted in 'what I want', but rather, what has been lost and needing to be regained. But, when a person is coming across in a controlling manner, it is difficult to know which is the one operating.
It is important to know this as it will set the course for healing for the person struggling with it. If it is approached as a spiritual issue of self-centeredness and that is not the issue...then the person needing healing from their past may get temporarily over-looked.
Note: Control even when exercised with the best of intentions robs others of their
Right to choose for themselves. Control is the primary culprit in the breakdown of relationships.
We will stop here and finish up with this next week, then begin with "what do we do when nothing seems to work". thanks for reading and hope your week is great....See you then